Dear James, Ellie, and Darcy (and anyone else who reads our letters),

I have been rereading the Bible recently, based on the version of Scripture that I read as a teenager: The Living Bible. This many years later, the readings strike me much differently than they did as I was starting my life journey.

I read these words recently: “But just when Rehoboam was at the height of his popularity and power he abandoned the Lord, and the people followed him in this sin” (2 Chronicles 12:1, The Living Bible).

King Rehoboam’s family tree stood like a mighty oak alongside small saplings. His father was King Solomon, and his grandfather was King David himself! What a pedigree to share with your classmates on take-a-parent-to-school day! For several years, Rehoboam ruled with a healthy respect and allegiance to his rich heritage, including the faith of his fathers. But before long, things went south (literally). He almost lost the entire kingdom to the Egyptians. Why? … because “he abandoned the Lord.” King Rehoboam led his people into faithlessness and nearly ruined everything for generations to come.

But when I read his story this time, I noticed something I missed in my earlier years’ readings. His missteps occurred when he “was at the height of his popularity and power.” Two conditions led to this king’s walking away from God’s path: too little past and too much power.

Too little past. When King Rehoboam emerged from the long shadows of his father and grandfather, he idolized his own popularity. He couldn’t wait for the day when people referred to him as THE king, NOT the son of Solomon or the grandson of David. His present and his future no longer needed his past, or so he thought. Be careful, my grandchildren, not to forsake your heritage. Listen to the stories of your parents, your grandparents, and your great-grandparents, or the stories about them. They form the backstory of your narrative. You will learn from those stories and, hopefully, rewrite them for the better in your own lives. Too many people try to find their current identity and ultimately their future dreams, without looking back on who they were. For good and bad (hopefully more good than bad!), we are all part of who we were. For Rehoboam, once he escaped who he was, the man he became was not so good.

Too much power. The second quality was equally as destructive as the first: King Rehoboam acquired too much power. He walked away from God when he impudently assumed that his dominating power abolished his need for God. Ironically, power almost destroyed his throne. I’ve witnessed power as the great killer of so many relationships between family members, among business arrangements, within churches, and even in one’s personal faith. Power destroys the balance of goodness. Even the humblest can get caught up in the misleading allure of power. It is near impossible to love power and love God at the same time. Be wary, my grandchildren, of those who love power above what is right. At the same time, be careful of your own personal hunt for power in the years ahead. What and whom you lose in the pursuit of power is far greater than what you will ever control.

You will likely hear grand stories about the roles of King David and King Solomon in your spiritual history. They prepared the way for our Lord well. Conversely, you will probably hear very little about King Rehoboam. A little more past and a little less power might have led him to a greater chapter in our story. My grandchildren, write your own story with a healthy respect for your past and a humble perception of your present.

I love you,

Grandad

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,

Today has been a rather different kind of Christmas day. We celebrated our family Christmas gathering last weekend. We scheduled it then because Uncle Preston and Aunt Faina were not going to be able to be here on December 25th. As it turns out, we sure are glad we did! Gran and Grandad have not felt well for the past week or so; and we couldn’t get around you today anyway. Thanks to the miracle of Facetime, we got to go on your tour of Santa’s treasures, though!

Christmas 2017 is the year we changed Christmas to December 16th; but really, there’s nothing especially holy about the 25th of December.

Choosing the day for Christmas has been a rather random process over the years. The Gospels and the story of the early church in Acts don’t offer instructions on commemorating the birthday of our Lord. For the first 200 years or so after His birth, Christian writers are virtually silent on the subject.

Not until the 4th century or so did Christians start settling on a specific day. In our faith tradition, His birthday became December 25th. I find that date strange, given the description that “… there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night” (Luke 2:8, New International Version). It’s much more likely that the sheep would have been “out in the fields” in the spring, instead of December!

I won’t bore you at your young age with all the details of the Christmas Day deliberations. I’ll save that for when you’re older! Suffice it to say that our family is not the first family in history to celebrate Christmas on a day other than December 25th.

What’s truth is that Jesus was born. What’s of utmost personal importance is that you know that Jesus was born for you. I pray every morning that each of you will come to receive the living presence of Jesus in your lives. That, my three grandchildren, will be Christmas Day.

Dear, James, Darcy, and Ellie,

The three of you are members of a community to which no one else in the world belongs. For lack of a more creative term, we will call it the “Children-of-Katherine-and-Eric-Pyles” community. You share a bond that is exclusive to you three. Darcy and Ellie, you share a connection as identical twins that very few in the world will ever understand. And James, your role as big brother to twins places you in rare community as well.

While I would love for the three of you to remain just as you are, God designed you to grow and enter the lives of other people as well. Some of the most important decisions you will make involve deciding the communities to which you will invest yourself.

When you think of community, think bigger than the neighborhood where you live, although that is one important community. Think of community as any group of people who are brought together by a common denominator. For a while, Momma and Dadda will help you choose your communities. In a few more years, they may speak the language of all parents: “Don’t follow that crowd because it’s the wrong one! If your friends say, ‘Go jump off a bridge, would you do it?’” In the language of this letter, they are saying that you are in the wrong community. I hope every one of your communities is good for you, but most of us have learned the hard way — finding what is right by learning from what is wrong. I have some suggestions that might help you choose your communities along the way.

First and foremost, choose the community of God. By choosing to live in communion with God, the other communities will find their proper and subordinate places in your lives (see Matthew 6:33). Long before the three of you were born, I prayed every single day that you would join the community of God. I’m not exaggerating; I continue to pray that every day. I admit a little bit of selfish motivation in that prayer. I want the assurance that when I am no longer holding you, talking to you, describing the world to you, playing with you, and praying with you… when I have left for heaven… I need to know that I will be able to enjoy life with you forever. I think God is okay with that “selfish” prayer!

But of course, it is not just about what I want for eternity. I want you to be in community with God while you live here on earth. No other way compares to the enjoyment and fulfillment of what God intends for you here. You enter community with God by embracing the community of His being. You come to God through the conviction of His Holy Spirit by way of a forgiving relationship with His Son Jesus Christ. Even God Himself lives in community as He expresses Himself through being the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. (If the Trinitarian concept doesn’t provide enough divine community for you, then read the description of God’s creation of man: “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness …’” (Genesis 1:26, New International Version). The plural pronouns, us and our, in reference to God can be explained in different ways; but for me, they represent God in the divine community of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I will continue to pray daily that the most important thing you do in your life is to choose the community of God.

Second, choose the community of family. Family is a heaven-inspired community on earth, as evidenced in the beginning when God declared: “…It is not good for man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18, NIV). Family lies at the heart of who we are as human beings. Family is the only community that God chose for you; you didn’t have a single word in the matter.

When God called me to be a minister, my parents, your Momma’s Gran and Grandad, were thrilled, supportive, but also sad. When I accepted my calling, my mother told me that she knew that I would probably never live near them for the rest of their lives. She was correct. My calling meant that I had to live where God sent me. It meant that my beautiful wife, your Gran, would never live close to them, and that was painful because they always considered your Gran to be the daughter they never had. To make matters more painful, when your Momma and Uncle Preston were born, the divine nature of my calling meant that they would never be able to live very close to their grandchildren.

I tell you that history because I understand more now than I ever did about how important community and family really are. Your family loves you more than anything else in the world. You will certainly be a part of many more communities in the future, and it breaks my heart to know that some of those communities will break yours. But second to your community with God, there is nothing as valuable as your community with family. At the end of the day, God and family are what you have.

Third, choosing the many other communities you will join. Hopefully, you will join the community of the church. (We’ll talk a lot more about that in future letters.) Additionally, you may join communities that have to do with shared interests, such as schools that you attend, or hobbies that you may have, or sports in which you may participate, or a myriad of other groups that appeal to you. Your most limited resource is your time; choose its expenditure very wisely. To warrant this special commodity of your time, choose a community that offers much more than common interests. Make sure that the community shares your values. If you don’t choose a community based on what are the most important values in your lives, the community will not be good for you. It may even hurt you.

In the last several years, Gran has chosen to participate in a community of health coaches. She and I both lost 80 pounds in the first months of her business. Since then, she not only has led hundreds of other people to become part of a healthier community, but she has also guided the training of over a hundred coaches to help others in this community of health. Community of support is one of the four cornerstones of their principles. This company is actually one huge community based on the value of living an exceptional life through making healthy choices in all areas of life. Gran is convicted that one of Satan’s greatest works is to keep the community of God bound to poor health in their bodies and minds. Gran was invited to a conference with other like-minded coaches at Sundance Mountain Resort in Utah. It was established by a well-known actor of our time, Robert Redford. While Gran is in meetings, I get to appreciate the beauty of God’s world from the views in our room. I also have been able to enjoy dinner with other coaches. They all have the same common value: to help others live a more meaningful life by taking care of the bodies that God has given them. It is one of the sincerest communities with which I have ever been associated, with some of the finest people of character and integrity that I have ever known.

My point of telling you about this is that I’ve been a part of many different communities in my life, but most of them were based on similar interests or traditions in our lives. But remember, the most important connection of a community must be common value. Look for those communities, the ones who appreciate the same values that you do. Know your values, live your values, strengthen your values by bonding with like-minded communities. That way, you will always be at home.

 

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,

You’re not aware of it, but standing for the national anthem and the American flag has become a subject of passionate debate. Particularly noticed in professional football (which may mean “soccer” by the time you read this), some players are kneeling during the anthem as a sign of protest against injustice in our country. Since the platform occurs during the anthem and presentation of the flag, the focus has shifted from its intended call for justice for all and morphed into respect for the flag. The conversation has gone even deeper than disrespect; kneeling has come to reflect disregard for those who have served in the military.

I didn’t serve in the military, nor do I know of anyone in our immediate family who did. I had an uncle, my father’s brother, who served, in addition to countless people in churches that I pastored. But I personally have never carried the flag into battle or seen it planted in a field where I just lost close friends who were more like brothers. My lack of personal experience notwithstanding, I do have a profoundly deep respect and appreciation for those who have defended our country, and even have died, for the freedoms that we enjoy. Without their sacrifices, I doubt that I would have the freedom to write these words. Without their sacrifices, I would not have been free to preach whatever I felt were God’s truths for over 35 years. I hope that you three develop similar gratitude, but I also pray that you don’t have to acquire it through your service in a war. I now place my hand over my heart from my wheelchair, but I stood when I was able. The symbolism of the anthem and flag represents my own patriotism and honor for those who served.  I do not take my freedoms for granted, and I am grateful.

What do I think of the current debate? Since I don’t have the military frame of reference, I turn to my life context: faith, religious history, and church practice. The most prominent symbol in the church is the cross. While there is absolutely no appropriate comparison between the flag and the cross (and my Baptist religious freedom tradition makes me cringe at even putting them in the same sentence), my thoughts about the cross guide my thoughts about the flag in its current controversy.

Every church I pastored displayed a cross in the sanctuary. Some had very beautiful and expensive crosses, which seemed indirectly to sterilize the tortuous death of our Lord. Others had wooden, rugged crosses, apparently in an attempt to be more “authentic.” Some were in the center of the altar, and their placement there was protected as though its movement would create something out of an Indiana Jones movie. When the location of the cross remained the same Sunday after Sunday, I wondered if its familiarity caused it to go tragically unnoticed to regular worshipers. The church I attended as a child hung a huge cross above the baptismal waters, causing young, daydreaming worshipers (like your grandad) to wonder what would happen if it fell. However the cross was postured, it became part of that individual church’s lore.

The placement, the construction, and the cost of the crosses are immaterial. After all, the cross was never meant to become decoration. It was an instrument of anguish and slow, agonizing death. It was the means by which people murdered our Lord. Frankly, we ought to cringe when we see a cross. We have even taken our casualness to an inappropriate step further: we wear this brutal device as jewelry! When the cross loses its symbolism as the tortuous death of Christ through His ultimate love for us, we have lost our way.

My unparalleled respect for all that the cross represents makes it the most revered symbol in my life. Secondarily to it are a wide array of symbols that also have value in my life, one of which is the American flag. Symbols of any kind are supposed to call us to something else, usually to something greater than the object itself, even calling us to something greater than ourselves.

The flag represents what is good about our country, including our liberty and our justice. It calls us to honor the sacrifice of men and women who earned the freedoms that our country enjoys. Given the symbolism of all that our flag represents, we should all stand for the presentation of our flag and anthem if we are able. In my opinion, that includes our fellow football-playing citizens. (By the way, while we are considering proper behavior before the flag, someone should also rethink those massive flags that are held horizontally across the entire field, as well as the flags that appear on the football helmets. Both of these actions appear to violate the United States Code for the flag (https://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/USCODE-2011-title4/html/USCODE-2011-title4-chap1.htm).

Stand for the anthem and the flag? Yes. But not out of habit or political correctness. Stand because the flag takes us to the field of sacrifices made for our freedoms. But what about injustice, the original reason for kneeling? Injustice goes against everything that the flag represents. Injustices toward each other do far more to harm the flag than kneeling ever will. We should all stand up against injustices to anyone, but let’s never denigrate the flag that represents why injustice is so wrong in the process.

 

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,

What a momentous day!

James, you are about to know what the #twinvasion really means! Up to this point, you have been able to scrub up a couple of times and go see your sisters. I can’t imagine what all was going through your mind as you saw your sisters for the first time, along with all the NICU tubes and wires. I’m sure something like aliens in a spaceship came to mind! While Momma and Dadda have been busy helping your sisters get stronger, Gran and I have sure loved having you at our house!

We all want you to know that even though a great deal of things has changed, your family loves you as much as we always have. Even with two new sisters entering your world, your Momma and Dadda love you as much as your sisters. And people will come to see the twins, because they are brand new! But always know that Momma and Dadda, as well as Gran and Grandad, love you with everything we have. And somehow, we love Ellie and Darcy with the same amount of love! That love is such a gift!! That love is a gift that God offers to people, if only we will embrace it.

Your Momma was our first child. We didn’t think we could possibly love anyone more than we loved your Momma. Then, your Uncle Preston entered our family; and we learned that we could love them both with our entire hearts! We didn’t love your Momma any less. God just increased our ability to love even more! What a great gift from God!

Jesus said, “…As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34, New International Version). We have the ability to love as God loves, to love everyone as much as God does! Just imagine that!!

For some reason, people think there is a limit on love. If they love this person, then they can’t love that person. Or if they love that group, then they cannot love this group. I hurt for the times ahead when you have to experience the loss of love from people. It’s painful, and I wish I could spare you that ache. But I can’t. Just know that is not God’s kind of love. To love as God loves is to realize the ability to love everyone! When we only love a certain few people in our lives, then we are only using a tiny piece of our love capacity. God has given us the ability to love as He does; that means to love everyone!

It’s a divine gift: There is always room to love one more person within us! The world has never witnessed anyone love as Jesus loved. Maybe, James, Darcy, and Ellie, you will be the first.

Always remember that I love you, James, with everything I am. I love you, Ellie, with everything I am. I love you, Darcy, with everything I am. I love all three of you with the same love that I love each of you.

Never ever forget how much I love you,
Grandad
October 1, 2017

 

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,

What a week! Darcy and Ellie, you landed in our world with quite a flair! Darcy, you beat Ellie here by only seconds; I guess you were getting her back for sprawling out and taking up most of the space for the last several months! Even though you both are in NICU for a few more days to clear up some early-arrival issues, you are leaping hurdles like seasoned champions.

From the day I heard that your Momma had “two babies in her belly” (description by big brother James), I have prayed every day without fail for the obvious: perfect health for you and your Momma. That prayer continues.

But I added another prayer to that plea: “God, please allow Darcy and Ellie to go home with Momma when she is discharged.” First, I wanted that because it would signify your doctor’s confidence that you were doing well. After all, as identical twins you needed to be delivered several weeks early. Second, I wanted it for your Momma, our little girl. I did not want her and your Dadda to experience the anguish of leaving the hospital without you girls in their arms.

For 35-week-old babies, your health is extremely good. You are conquering every problem. Thank you, God, for answering the first part of my prayer! And then, a couple of nights ago, your Momma was discharged from the hospital, another answer to my prayer, because it meant that she was recovering well from the surgery of your birth.

BUT, the unanswered prayer casts a disappointing shadow: you are not home yet; the NICU remains your temporary abode.

This part of my prayer is by no means the first prayer of mine to go unanswered, nor will it be my last. As I hold you so gently in the NICU and James prays so innocently for you at meals and bedtime, it saddens me to know that you three will also petition God for requests that will not be answered. When that happens, remember these truths:

1. An unanswered prayer places you in good company. It’s happened to all of us. Most significantly, it happened to God’s only Son. Jesus prayed the night before He died: “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39b, New International Version). He died the next day.
2. The silence of God is not always His refusal to answer. God loves silence, and He has spoken the loudest to me in His silence. When I held you for the first time, you did not say a word while I whispered to you. The loudest sound came from the tears rolling down my cheeks. Silence is deafening.
3. One prayer may mutually exclude another prayer. God answered my prayer for your good health by keeping you in the NICU for a while longer. Farmers praying for rain to grow their crops directly contradict their child’s prayer for a sunny day to play outside. Within the confines of earth’s boundaries, not all prayers can physically be answered as prayed.
4. Your will is not always God’s will. The reason we pray in Jesus’s name is to request that Jesus sign off with His approval on our prayer. We are praying that Jesus agrees with our prayer and even intercedes on our behalf. (By the way, “amen” does not mean that the prayer is over, and we can open our eyes. “Amen” means something like “let it be so.” It is a statement of affirmation, that we truly believe in our hearts that this prayer is true.) When “amen” follows “in Jesus’s name,” well, that’s a bold and brave statement! We are praying in faith that we believe the truth of our prayer, even to the point that Jesus would sign His name on it.
5. The prayer itself may be more important than God’s response. God wants to hear your hopes and desires, always. Like any parent, He wants to stay connected closely to you.  He intently listens to our words to hear the longing of our hearts.
6. God may answer your prayer in a different time zone. The eternal nature of God removes Him from the boundaries of time. His perspective may mean that an answer is better later.
7. There is one prayer that God always answers affirmatively. If you pray for God’s forgiveness and His becoming your Lord through the saving grace of Jesus, He will never say no.

I will continue to pray for the day you get to leave the NICU and go home in the arms of Momma and Dadda and to your waiting brother who is ready to live life with you. Then, as now, I will never stop praying for you and for the future that will be your world.

I love you,
Grandad
September 24, 2017

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,

Welcome to the world, Darcy and Ellie!  Today, September 18, 2017, you took the miraculous and brave journey to leave the protection of Momma’s womb and breathe the air of earth.  It is a gorgeous day in Huntington today, 64° with blue skies when you were born; and you just made the world even more beautiful!  We have anticipated your arrival with great joy, just as we did your entrance, James, four years ago!

But if I am completely honest with you, my precious grandchildren, I am so concerned about the world in which you are growing.  Problems in the world are nothing new.  From the moment God’s first creatures surreptitiously stole the fruit, the world has faced the consequences of sin.  Even the pain that your Momma endured by carrying each of you and then delivering you into the world was a direct result of the Garden’s sin (Genesis 3:16).  However, your Momma would have gone through ANYTHING to bring you here!

Here’s some of what is going on in the world right now, my three young loves.  Computers and the internet have changed everything.  People began to use them regularly when your Momma and Dadda were in elementary school.  They had to learn how to use them quickly.  What a big adjustment that was!

Thanks to that, the world is in a constant state of changing, and it’s changing so fast that I’m not sure we have kept up with it morally or spiritually—at least, not very well.  Before we have adapted to one paradigm shift, it all changes again.  Your Momma uses computers brilliantly to write articles that people read all over the world.  She is an excellent writer, earning awards for her writing; and I can’t wait for you to realize that one day!  Your Dadda also is a genius, but he prefers to use computers for drawing engineering designs.  It’s so complicated, that I don’t even understand it; but he is a vice-president of his company, and I can’t wait for you to understand what that means one day!  For fun, your Dadda and Uncle Preston play video games with people from all over the world with their computers!  I can’t imagine what the computing world will be able to do as you grow up.  And your brother James continually amazes us with his bright mind, how quick he is to learn and remember anything we teach him.  It will be fun to watch him pass his knowledge on to you two girls!

Another big part of the world today is how small it has become.  Not physically, but relationally.  When I was growing up, people read about events happening around the world in newspapers.  The funny thing is that the news might appear several days following the actual events.  Today, people can watch news twenty-four hours a day, and it is in real time.  We know instantly what is occurring on the other side of this planet you just entered.  For those of us who can remember our first black-and-white television, topped off with rabbit ears wrapped in tin foil, this instant news in full living color is amazing in itself!  But sadly, the news is not always good.  Actually, it seems something is newsworthy only if it is bad news.

Today, the news is filled with difficulties around the globe.  In Huntington, where all three of you were born, the news is all about the problems created by people using things — meant for good — in a bad way.  For example, sometimes they use drugs in a bad way.  They become addicted to drugs, and then they do bad things to get money to buy more drugs.  Or they overeat the wrong foods and instead of nourishing their bodies, they become slaves to obesity and bad health.  I pray that solutions are figured out before you get much older.

In the United States, we are reeling from two recent, massive hurricanes that have devastated parts of our country.  You have relatives who are still recovering from their destruction in south Texas from Hurricane Harvey.  We also are having ongoing battles from a sin that our country committed a long time ago. Kids, I’m sorry to tell you that we had slaves in our country, where one group of people mistreated another group of people as less valuable than themselves.  I remember when I was a boy that there were curfews in my town because the struggle had become very violent.  You will read about the Civil War in history class.  Today, about 150 years later, we still have a lot of disagreements; now our turmoil is over whether statues of the Confederacy should remain in place.  Again, I pray that such problems are resolved before you get much older; and even more than that, I pray that you grow to live in a world where people treat each other with dignity and respect.

There are a lot of children your age all over the world who are hungry.  I pray you will always have plenty of food as you grow up.  When you cry as a baby because it’s time to eat, you will be comforted.  Not all children are so blessed.  Your Momma and Dadda went to Nicaragua — one of the poorest countries in the world — many times.  They went to show God’s love to some hungry children in an orphanage there.  Your Momma and Dadda love you with everything they have, and I pray that as you get older, the world has figured out how to share resources so that no one is hungry.

The world is also in constant talk of war.  A big change in the world occurred on September 11, 2001.  You will read about it in history class in school as well.  Your parents were in school when it happened, so be sure to ask them what it was like.  The United States was attacked and thousands died.  It started a different kind of war, and even a different kind of world.  Fighting is happening in many parts of the world today, and threats of nuclear war with a country called North Korea is all over the 24-hour news.  I pray that you grow up in a world where people love each other, instead of fight each other.

I wanted to tell you about the world today.  It may sound like it’s all bad, but not really.  Your Momma and Dadda’s generation have learned to use computers in a good way, especially by bringing people together for good causes.  Many people your Momma and Dadda’s age are helping to teach our country and the world that we must treat each other with love and respect, not hate and violence.  I pray that they can make a change, not only in our country, but all over the world!

With all that is happening in the world during your infancy, your being born is one of the greatest signs that God is still in charge.  The greatest moment in the history of the world occurred when a Baby was born.  I believe that God created each of you with a purpose to continue what that Baby started 2,000 years ago.  No one knows yet what the three of you may grow up to become, but I believe that within each you is the possibility to heal the sins of people who lived before you and to bring the world together in love.  You, James, Darcy, and Ellie, are the hope of God Himself.  Within you is the breath of God Himself.  Welcome to His world, and to the world that You may change to look more like Him.  You three give me hope.

I love you,
Grandad
September 18, 2017

Dear James, Darcy, and Ellie,